Interview by Allen Cardoza and Dr. Melody Foxx
A frequently asked question these days is also one that is surprisingly easy to answer: Is it possible to change unhealthy relationship patterns? In a single word, “yes!” But, of course, you may have to read “The Critical Partner,” to find out exactly how. The whole story of how Dr. Michelle Skeen’s Schema Therapy works in real life was carefully explained on a radio interview with hosts Allen Cardoza and Dr. Melody Foxx.
Disturbing Relationship Trend Revealed By YouTube Video
During the interview when asked to define a dysfunctional relationship, Dr Skeen gave a dramatic example. She described a disturbing YouTube video getting millions of hits. Apparently, a father put a bullet through his daughter’s laptop computer after she complained about him to her friends on Facebook— and he then posted a video of his act of revenge on Youtube.
What Dr. Skeen found particularly disturbing was the reaction to the video: The father received hundreds of supportive comments from other parents. It seems that many people identified with how the conflict between father and daughter was handled, voicing approval for an act of emotional abuse that epitomized the persecutor-victim pattern common in critical relationships.
Dynamics of a Critical Relationship
A critical relationship, according to Dr Skeen, is one where a critical partner verbally and emotionally attacks a vulnerable partner, imposing unrealistic standards on them. In a fit of rage, the critical partner humiliates and embarrasses the other partner.
By taking more responsibility for their interactions, both parties can begin to heal a dysfunctional relationship. The critical partner needs to stop projecting their own emotional insecurity on the other partner. In turn, the vulnerable partner needs to verbally express feelings of hurt and betrayal.
Dr. Skeen’s New Book: “The Critical Partner”
Based on utilizing personal schemas, “The Critical Partner” is intended to gradually change unhealthy relationship patterns. The author talked about how she wrote this book to help people find the love they longed for in a relationship.
In her book, she offers numerous practical techniques that will put an end to dysfunctional relationships. Despite the fact that the book was aimed to help the vulnerable partner, the criticized one, it also offers useful information for the critical partner. Certain worksheets help the critical partner give up their criticism, while other worksheets assist the vulnerable partner deal with the criticism much more maturely.
Final Thoughts
Sharing suggestions on how to get to the root of dysfunctional relationship problems on the radio show, Dr. Skeen described ways each partner can find the love they seek. Besides describing many aspects of the theories in the book, the author also answered complex relationship questions asked by listeners who called in.
