By Saleem Rana
Allen Cardoza from answers4thefamily.com interviewed Dr. Fran Praver on how love can survive infidelity. He introduced his guest as a psychotherapist with two decades of experience who had written insightful books on relationships based on neuroscientific findings.
Dr. Praver began the discussion by talking about the physiological basis of love. When two people are in love, she explained, their brains are flooded with mood-altering chemicals. Mirror neurons trigger natural brain chemicals like vasopressin, oxytocin, dopamine, testosterone, and natural opoids. These make a couple feel happy, fulfilled, and spontaneous.
When lovers are bathed in wonderful feelings, she went on to say, their normal levels of alertness and intellectual discernment and discrimination get temporarily suspended. Each lover feels that their partner knows, understands, and emotionally supports and appreciates them.
Unfortunately, over time, this happy state tends to fade away. An unquestioned assumption of flawless love and an untroubled future is replaced by an accumulation of resentments, hurts, and disappointments. The once ever-present empathy now gets blunted and should one of the lovers cheat on the relationship, the effects can be devastating.
Dr. Praver outlined a step-by-step plan for emotional recovery from infidelity. Someone who had been cheated on could heal through self-empathy, empathy for the partner, saying what one felt, and being willing to forgive if the cheating partner was openly sincere about making amends. In fact, Dr. Praver said that MRI studies have shown that the same part of the brain is used when a person is empathizing with or forgiving someone. By using simple exercises to relearn empathy, forgiveness can follow and a relationship can recover.
Dr. Praver talked about several conceptual tools she used in her psychotherapeutic practice to restore lost love and damaged intimacy. One, for example, called “Visit the Past, Live in the Future,” required both partners to revisit their respective pasts, find out what scripts were ruining their relationship, and work to rewrite these scripts.
A final point, Dr. Praver made when responding to reader’s questions about how to keep love from slipping away was to emphasize the power of listening. Couples, she pointed out, tend to confuse information with knowledge. Knowledge means that you listen and interpret the information your partner conveys. When someone listens, they create a space for emotional resonance and intimacy in the relationship.
To hear this interview in its entirety, go to: http://answersforthefamily.com/could-your-relationship-survive-infidelity-dr-fran-praver/
